Goodbye, hello

Tomorrow I board the plane back to my other world. My other life that was so disorienting to me at first because it felt like my old life, friends, people had just disappeared and been replaced by some new existence that I didn't understand. So I return to that with more orientation than before and less time until I return home again. That's good at least.

But trying to pack up my room again is making me cling even more to being home. I have had a wonderful six weeks back in California: adventures, the soothing company of my friends, the comfort of being with family. If college has showed me anything it is how much I love home. My California home at least. I like Oberlin, maybe even love it a little but not the deep, emotional connection I have with home. The hills I cann see from my window, covered with the usual California oaks, the dripping fog on wet leaves, the weather that changes between glorious warm winter sun and wild, textured gray coldness. The beauty of Berkeley, the sight of all my friend's homes as I drive by, the places of my childhood. The closer it comes to leaving the more I cling to my parents, time with my sister, the sight of the warmly lit kitchen, my dog. I relish every last shower, goodbye, last glance at a place I love and the more I think about it the more sad I get and the more I cling. Cling cling cling.

The transition to college is easiest for people who see school as a haven from high school or from home, as a release from the past. But me, and many of my friends, we loved our past. So it's harder to find things to love, immersion in this new life because home and old friends are so wonderful. So nothing can compare at first.

So where is this post going? Oh right. I guess... I am just scared. Scared of being homesick at school, or lonely or sad. Sad to leave what has been a wonderful six weeks. Nervous for what I will find when I go back to school. Alas, the future. I need to stop thinking about what might be. My suitcase awaits.